200+ Best Pirate Jokes That’ll Make You Say “Arrrr!” (Funny & Clean)

Table of Contents

Introduction: Why Pirate Jokes Never Get Old

There’s something irresistibly funny about pirate jokes. Maybe it’s the “Arrrr!” — that rolling, dramatic growl that could mean anything from anger to approval. Maybe it’s the tricorn hats, the eye patches, or the peg legs. Or maybe it’s just the sheer silliness of imagining a grizzled sea bandit trying to be witty.

Whatever the reason, pirate jokes have sailed through centuries of humor and show no signs of sinking. From funny pirate jokes for kids on the playground to pirate puns that adults groan at in equal measure, there’s a treasure chest of seafaring comedy out there waiting to be discovered.

This collection brings together over 200 of the best pirate jokes, sorted into categories so you can find exactly the right joke for the right moment. Whether you’re looking for short pirate jokes to drop at a party, clean pirate jokes for the classroom, or pirate riddles to challenge your friends, you’ve come to the right port.

So hoist the Jolly Roger, grab your compass, and let’s set sail on the seven seas of laughter. Arrrr, matey — it’s going to be a great voyage!

Classic Pirate Jokes Everyone Should Know

These are the timeless pirate jokes that have been making people laugh for generations. If you only learn a handful, make it these.

1. Why can’t pirates learn the alphabet? Because they keep getting lost at “C.”
2. What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? You’d think it was “R,” but his first love will always be the “C.”
3. What did the ocean say to the pirate? Nothing — it just waved.
4. Why do pirates always carry a bar of soap? In case they hit dirty water.
5. How much does a pirate pay for corn? A buck an ear.
6. What do you call a pirate that skips class? Captain Hooky.
7. Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank? Because they’ll just wash up on shore later.
8. What do pirates call a really bad weather day? Shiver me timbers!
9. How do pirates prefer to communicate? Aye to aye.
10. Why did the pirate go to school? To improve his “Arrrrt.”
11. What do you call a pirate with two eyes and two legs? A rookie.
12. Why did the pirate buy an iPhone? Because he couldn’t afford the iPad — it was too much booty.
13. What’s a pirate’s least favorite vegetable? Leeks — because his ship already has enough of them.
14. Why did the pirate fail his spelling test? He kept insisting the seven seas were spelled with a “C.”
15. What do you call a pirate who likes to ski? A slalom-ander of the seas.
16. How do you know if your child is becoming a pirate? They start every sentence with “Arrrr.”
17. What did the first mate see in the toilet? The Captains log.
18. Why couldn’t the pirate play cards? Because he was sitting on the deck.
19. What’s a pirate’s favorite country? Arrrr-gentina.
20. Why did the pirate get a job at the restaurant? He heard they had a great plank steak.
21. What does a pirate wear in the winter? A pea coat.
22. Why don’t pirates eat at fancy restaurants? Because the food is too “plane” — they prefer something on deck.
23. What do you call a pirate’s hairstyle? A crew cut.
24. How do pirates know they’re pirates? They think, therefore they arrrr.
25. What’s a pirate’s favorite subject in school? Arrrt class.

Pirate Jokes for Kids (Clean & School-Safe)

These clean pirate jokes for kids are perfect for school, birthday parties, or any family gathering. All of them are 100% kid-friendly!

26. What has 8 legs and 8 eyes and 8 hooks? 8 pirates.
27. Why don’t pirates go to the movies? Because they can never find the right “sea-t.”
28. What do you call a pirate who loves school? Captain Edu-gation!
29. What is a pirate’s favorite type of cookie? Ships ahoy!
30. Why did the pirate bring a ladder to school? Because the teacher said the lesson was going to be above board.
31. What do you call a pirate who’s really good at math? Captain Calcu-lator!
32. What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? “Aye, matey.”
33. Why did the pirate get an “A” in English class? He kept insisting on arrrticulation.
34. What’s a baby pirate’s first word? “Mama” — wait, no — “Arrrr-goo.”
35. What do you call a pirate that steals books? A bookcaneer!
36. Why are pirates so popular in school? Because they always bring the booty.
37. What do you get when you cross a pirate and a snowman? Frosty the Snowpirate!
38. What do pirate kids say on Halloween? “Trick Arrrr Treat!”
39. How do young pirates talk to each other? In a buccaneer! (because-an-ear)
40. What did one pirate say to the other on Valentine’s Day? “You make my heart go Arrrr-flutter!”
41. What’s a pirate’s favorite game? Treasure Hunt, obviously!
42. Why did the pirate cross the road? To get to the other tide.
43. What do you call a pirate’s dog? A golden “reARRRRiever.”
44. How do pirate kids greet their teacher? “Good Mornin’, Matey!”
45. What do pirate babies sleep in? A little bitty ship-ship.
46. Why did the pirate refuse to eat his soup? Because it was in a “crew-ton” broth.
47. What is a pirate’s favorite season? ARRRRtumn!
48. What do you get when you cross a pirate and a clown? Someone who makes you “walk the plank… of laughter.”
49. What did the pirate say when he found a math error? “Thar she blows!”
50. Why was the pirate good at baseball? He always hit it out of the park-ley.

Short Pirate One-Liners & Puns

Sometimes the best pirate puns are the quickest ones. These short pirate jokes are perfect for texts, memes, or sneaking into conversation.

51. I told a pirate joke. It really arrrr-ived.
52. Pirate puns? You had me at “Arrrr.”
53. My pirate friend got a wooden leg. He’s on a roll now.
54. Pirates make terrible employees — they’re always on the hook.
55. A pirate walked into a bar with a ship’s wheel on his belt. Bartender asked about it. He said, “Arrrr, it’s drivin’ me nuts.”
56. Pirate logic: X always marks the spot, unless you’re a pirate — then X marks the treasure.
57. You can always spot a pirate at the gym — they’re always working on their “core” muscles.
58. What’s a pirate’s Wi-Fi password? “TheSeven C’s” — all lowercase.
59. I dated a pirate once. He totally stole my heart.
60. A pirate’s autobiography is always a best-seller — full of plot twists and buried chapters.
61. Why are pirates excellent chefs? They’re great at seasoning.
62. Pirates don’t text. They prefer to send a “message in a bottle.”
63. A pirate’s GPS always says: “Turn right at the X.”
64. Being a pirate is hard. There’s a lot of plunder to think about.
65. My pirate friend retired. Now he’s on a treasure pension.
66. Pirates make excellent bankers — they’re pros at managing their booty.
67. The pirate’s alarm clock? It goes “tick-tock, crocodile o’clock.”
68. Never argue with a pirate — they always have the last “Arrrr.”
69. The pirate got a promotion. He’s now the “ship-reme” commander.
70. Pirates take great photos — they always find the perfect “port-rait.”
71. I asked a pirate what he thought of my new boat. He said, “Arrr, it’s oar-some!”
72. Why do pirates make terrible secret keepers? They always spill the rum.
73. Pirate fashion is timeless — eye patches never go out of style.
74. My pirate uncle is very smart. He has a PhD — a Pirate’s Huge Degree.
75. Pirate life lesson: there’s no “I” in crew… but there’s definitely an “Arrrr.”

Pirate Riddles and Knock-Knock Jokes

Love pirate riddles? These head-scratchers and knock-knock jokes will keep you and your crew busy for hours.

Pirate Riddles

76. Riddle: A pirate buried his treasure on an island. He had 5 clues and a broken compass. What did he use to find it? Answer: His treasure map — the compass was a red herring!
77. Riddle: What runs around a pirate ship without moving? Answer: The fence (or the hull).
78. Riddle: I have a treasure chest but no lock or key. I have maps but have never traveled. What am I? Answer: A pirate’s coloring book!
79. Riddle: A pirate has 30 gold coins and loses half in a storm, wins 7 in a card game, and spends 3 on rum. How many does he have? Answer: 19 coins — but really, who’s counting when there’s rum?
80. Riddle: What has a mouth but never drinks, a neck but no head, and a body full of water? Answer: A river the pirate sails past!
81. Riddle: The more treasure a pirate buries, the more he wants to find. What is he burying? Answer: His ambition.
82. Riddle: A pirate says “I’ll tell you three things about myself: one is false.” He says: I have a parrot, I have a hook, I love vegetables. Which is false? Answer: The vegetables — no self-respecting pirate loves vegetables.
83. Riddle: What can a pirate find at the bottom of the sea that still serves him? Answer: A sunken treasure chest.
84. Riddle: I am always ahead of a pirate ship but never move. What am I? Answer: The horizon.
85. Riddle: What gets wetter as a pirate dries it? Answer: A towel.

Pirate Knock-Knock Jokes

86. Knock knock. Who’s there? Pirate. Pirate who? Pirate who forgot to say Arrr!
87. Knock knock. Who’s there? Aye. Aye who? Aye heard you have treasure in there!
88. Knock knock. Who’s there? Jolly. Jolly who? Jolly Roger, now open up!
89. Knock knock. Who’s there? Hook. Hook who? Hook, line, and sinker — gotcha!
90. Knock knock. Who’s there? Buccaneer. Buccaneer who? Buccaneer for a treasure map! (Buck-an-ear)
91. Knock knock. Who’s there? Plank. Plank who? You’re welcome — now walk it!
92. Knock knock. Who’s there? Davy. Davy who? Davy Jones called — he wants his locker back.
93. Knock knock. Who’s there? Parrot. Parrot who? Parrot who! Parrot who! Arrrr!
94. Knock knock. Who’s there? Sea. Sea who? Sea for yourself, it’s a pirate ship out there!
95. Knock knock. Who’s there? Cannon. Cannon who? Cannon wait to tell you this pirate joke!

Pirate Dad Jokes That’ll Make You Groan

Pirate dad jokes are a special breed — they’re so bad, they’re good. These are groan-worthy in the best possible way.

96. Why did the pirate go to therapy? He had too many “issues” with his chest.
97. What do you call a pirate who can’t stop talking? A “blabber-mate.”
98. I made a pirate joke and no one laughed. Guess I walked the blank plank.
99. My pirate friend won the lottery. Now he’s “rich-arrrr.”
100. What does a pirate get when he eats too much? A tummy “arrr”-ke.
101. Did you hear about the pirate who became a poet? All his lines had “meter” and “sea.”
102. Why did the pirate always carry a pencil? In case he needed to draw his sword.
103. My pirate dad told me a joke every morning. I guess you could say he had a lot of “deck-spression.”
104. What do you call a pirate who loses his ship? A “sore loser-arrrr.”
105. Why did the pirate take a bath every week? Because his parrot said “Polly wanna cleaner cracker.”
106. What do you call two pirate captains who are best friends? Mates.
107. I tried to take a selfie with a pirate. He stole my phone. A true buccaneer.
108. What is a pirate’s least favorite superhero? “Wonder Wo-man” — because she has no “Arrrr” in her name.
109. Dad pirate quote: “Son, always follow your treasure — it leads straight to a dead man’s chest.”
110. A pirate retired and opened a bakery. His specialty? “Plunder Cake.”

Pirate Jokes About Ships, Treasure & the Sea

For those who love the nautical side of pirate humor, these jokes dive deep into ships, treasure, and the open sea.

111. What do you call a pirate’s new ship? A “maiden ploy-age.”
112. Why did the pirate ship fail its inspection? It had too many “deck-fects.”
113. What’s a pirate ship’s favorite song? “Row, Row, Row Your Boat… or I’ll Cannon You.”
114. What do you call a treasure map with no X? A very disappointing piece of paper.
115. Why did the pirate ship go to therapy? It had too many “board” issues.
116. What’s a pirate ship made of? Hardwood — and hard knocks.
117. Why did the treasure chest break up with the pirate? He kept “digging” into her past.
118. What do you call a sea without treasure? A waste of ocean.
119. Why don’t pirates trust the sea? Because it’s always “up to something.”
120. What do pirates use to cut the ocean? A sea-saw.
121. What’s at the center of every pirate map? The letter “i” — for island, of course!
122. What did the ocean floor say when the treasure was discovered? “Ah, finally — some exposure.”
123. What’s a pirate’s greatest fear? The IRS — you can’t hide treasure from taxes forever.
124. Why couldn’t the pirate find the treasure? He had an X but no map.
125. What do you call an underwater treasure that sings? “Gold-fish karaoke.”
126. Why do pirate ships always smell? Because they haven’t had a “freshening.”
127. What do you call a pirate ship that tells jokes? The SS Funny Bone.
128. Why did the pirate dive into the ocean? He heard the fish were “current-ly” hoarding treasure.
129. What’s a pirate’s favorite knot? The reef knot — it keeps his treasure bags closed.
130. A pirate found a ship made entirely of gold. He named it the “USS Overcautious.”

Pirate Animal Jokes (Parrots, Sharks & More)

Parrots and pirates go together like ships and sails. Here are the best pirate parrot jokes and other animal-themed seafaring humor.

Pirate Parrot Jokes

131. What do you call a pirate’s parrot that flies away? A polygon — a “Polly gone.”
132. Why do pirates love parrots? Because they never “rat” on you.
133. What do you call a pirate’s parrot who likes to cook? A macaw-roni chef.
134. Why was the pirate’s parrot so smart? It kept repeating everything the captain said — piracy by imitation.
135. What do you get when a pirate’s parrot eats crackers? “Polly wants a cracker — and a cannon.”
136. What’s the difference between a pirate’s parrot and a lawyer? One repeats everything it hears; the other charges you for it.
137. What did the pirate say when his parrot left him? “Pieces of eight… pieces of my heart.”
138. Why did the pirate give his parrot a mirror? To see if he was “Polly-gone” yet.
139. What do you call a parrot that escaped a pirate ship? An “esca-Polly.”
140. How did the pirate’s parrot learn to talk? By listening to too many captain’s announcements.

Pirate Shark Jokes

141. What do you call a shark who works for a pirate? A loan shark.
142. Why don’t sharks eat pirates? Professional courtesy.
143. What’s a pirate shark’s favorite game? Jaws-tling for treasure.
144. Why did the shark become a pirate? He wanted to be the “fin”-ancial backer.
145. What do you call a pirate shark with no teeth? A gummy buccaneer.

Other Pirate Animal Jokes

146. What do you call a pirate crab? A “claws”-tain.
147. Why did the pirate’s pet octopus win the talent show? It was “armmed” with eight talents.
148. What do you call a pirate’s cat? Meow-tey.
149. What did the pirate dolphin say? “Arrrr you kidding me?”
150. Why did the pirate name his horse “Treasure”? Because everywhere she went, X marked the spot.

Pirate Food & Drink Jokes

From grog to ship biscuits, pirates had a colorful culinary world — and so do these jokes.

151. What’s a pirate’s favorite fruit? Pieces of lemon — wait, no. “Pieces of lime” — to prevent scurvy!
152. Why do pirates drink rum? Because water makes the plank too slippery.
153. What do you call a pirate who loves to cook? Gordon “Ramsay-arr.”
154. What’s a pirate’s favorite pasta? Rigatoni — it looks like tiny cannons.
155. Why don’t pirates eat sushi? Because raw fish is hard to find when you’re always at “C.”
156. What do pirates drink in the morning? “Scurvy-no” (cappuccino with a twist).
157. What do you call a pirate’s sandwich? A “treasure sub.”
158. Why did the pirate love the bakery? Because they had “ship”-shaped bread.
159. What did the pirate chef say when he ran out of salt? “Shiver me seasonings!”
160. What’s a pirate’s dessert of choice? “Plunder pudding.”
161. Why did the pirate put rum in his cereal? Because “Arrrr-n Bran” wasn’t available.
162. What do pirate kids eat for lunch? PB&”Arrrr” Jelly sandwiches.
163. What’s on a pirate’s pizza? Anchovies, cannon balls, and stolen olives.
164. Why didn’t the pirate finish his dinner? He was “ship-wrecked” on calories.
165. What’s a pirate’s favorite herb? “Arrr-ugula.”

Even More Pirate Jokes (Bonus Round!)

We promised 200+, and we’re delivering. Here’s the bonus haul of pirate humor to round out your treasure chest.

166. What do you call a pirate who steals music? A down-“loot”-er.
167. Why did the pirate go to acting school? He wanted to improve his “board-walk” performance.
168. What’s a pirate’s favorite social media? “Insta-gram-arrrr.”
169. Why did the pirate start a podcast? He had too many “tales from the high seas.”
170. What do you call a pirate who loves technology? A “tech-buccaneer.”
171. Why did the pirate open a clothing store? To sell “booty-full” fashion.
172. What do you call a pirate who takes too many selfies? A “Narc-issus of the Sea.”
173. What’s a pirate’s gym routine? Dead-lifts and plank exercises — obviously.
174. Why did the pirate become a doctor? He was already great at finding “chests.”
175. What’s a pirate’s favorite car? A “Arrr-V” (RV).
176. Why did the pirate become a politician? He was already great at “robbing the public.”
177. What’s a pirate’s favorite winter sport? “Ice-buccaneer” skating.
178. Why did the pirate carry an umbrella? In case of “pirati-cal” weather.
179. What do pirate ghosts say? “BOO-ty.”
180. Why did the pirate fail his driving test? He kept going “starboard” instead of right.
181. What’s a pirate’s favorite movie? “Pirates of the Caribbean” — obviously, because it’s autobiographical.
182. What do you call a pirate’s car alarm? “Arrrr-alarm.”
183. Why did the pirate buy a boat but not a ship? He wanted to start “small-scale piracy.”
184. What is a pirate’s favorite exercise? The “plank” — they’re already professionals.
185. Why did the pirate go to the dentist? Because his “canine” was giving him trouble. (Cannonball joke intended.)
186. What do you call a pirate at a formal dinner? “Captain Tux-ed-Arrrr.”
187. Why did the pirate get promoted? He went “above board” at work.
188. What’s a pirate’s favorite punctuation mark? The “sea-micolon.”
189. Why don’t pirates finish their books? They always skip to the end for the “treasure.”
190. What do you call a pirate who loves yoga? “Captain Namaste.”
191. What do you call a pirate’s favorite chess piece? The “rook” — obviously.
192. Why did the pirate open a museum? He had a lot of “stolen” artifacts to display.
193. What’s a pirate’s favorite drink at Starbucks? A “mocha-narrrr.”
194. Why did the pirate love karaoke? He already had the “Arrrr” down perfectly.
195. What do pirates say at a business meeting? “I motion we plunder Q3 profits.”
196. Why did the pirate get a smartphone? To use “Google Mapsarrrr.”
197. What do you call a pirate with excellent posture? “Captain Straight-Arrrr.”
198. Why did the pirate build a sandcastle? Because his regular castle kept sinking.
199. What did the pirate say to the magic lamp? “I wish for more wishes, and a better ship.”
200. Why did the pirate cross the road? Because the chicken was being too “chicken” to guard the treasure.
201. What do you call a pirate who recycles? “Captain Planet-arrrr.”
202. Why don’t pirates use calendars? Because every day is “International Talk Like a Pirate Day” to them.
203. What’s a pirate’s favorite number? “Ate” (8) — because of “pieces of eight.”
204. Why did the pirate write poetry? He found rhymes “treasure-ably” satisfying.
205. What do you call an honest pirate? An oxymoron — with an eye patch.

How to Tell Pirate Jokes Like a Pro

Knowing the jokes is one thing. Delivering them like a true captain of comedy is another. Here’s how to make your pirate jokes land every time.

Master the “Arrrr”

The “Arrrr” is the secret weapon of every pirate joke. Practice rolling your R deeply from the throat. Hold it just long enough to be dramatic — but not so long you lose your audience. Think: theatrical, not unhinged.

Nail the Timing

Comedy is all about timing. For riddle-style pirate jokes, always pause after the setup to let the audience wonder — then drop the punchline with a grin. A beat of silence before “A buck AN EAR!” makes it funnier every time.

Use Pirate Slang Naturally

Sprinkling in words like “matey,” “landlubber,” “ahoy,” “blimey,” or “shiver me timbers” makes the joke feel authentic. Don’t overdo it — one or two pirate phrases per delivery is the sweet spot.

Match the Audience

• Kids: Stick to the riddle and knock-knock formats. Kids love interactive jokes.
• Adults at parties: One-liners and puns work best — keep it snappy.
• Families: Dad jokes and wordplay are universally groaned at and secretly loved.
• On Talk Like a Pirate Day (September 19): Go all in — the more theatrical, the better.

Set the Scene

If you’re at a themed party or event, lean into the costume and character. A joke lands twice as hard when you’re wearing a tricorn hat. If you’re telling jokes in regular conversation, a wink or a “brace yourself” is all the setup you need.

Practice Callbacks

If you’re telling a series of pirate jokes, create callbacks to earlier ones. “Remember what we said about the alphabet? Well, this pirate also failed geography…” Callbacks make a set feel connected and professional.

FAQ: Everything You Wanted to Know About Pirate Jokes

Q1: What is the most famous pirate joke of all time?

The most universally known pirate joke is probably: “Why can’t pirates learn the alphabet? Because they keep getting lost at ‘C’!” This joke works on two levels — the letter “C” and the sea — making it a perfect example of pirate wordplay. It’s been circulating for decades and remains one of the most recognizable jokes in the genre.

Q2: Why do pirates say “Arrrr”?

The stereotypical pirate “Arrrr” (or “Arr” or “Argh”) was largely popularized by actor Robert Newton in the 1950 film Treasure Island and his portrayal of Long John Silver. Newton used a thick West Country English accent, which naturally features a rolled “R.” Over time, this became the universally accepted “pirate sound” in pop culture, and it’s now a cornerstone of pirate humor and International Talk Like a Pirate Day (September 19).

Q3: What are some funny pirate jokes for kids?

The best pirate jokes for kids tend to be riddles or knock-knock jokes because children love the interactive “call and response” format. Some top picks include: “What do you call a pirate that skips class? Captain Hooky!” and “What has 8 legs, 8 eyes, and 8 hooks? 8 pirates!” These are clean, clever, and perfectly pitched for young audiences.

Q4: When is International Talk Like a Pirate Day?

International Talk Like a Pirate Day falls on September 19th every year. It was created in 1995 by John Baur and Mark Summers and gained worldwide popularity after humor columnist Dave Barry wrote about it in 2002. It’s now the perfect occasion to bust out your best pirate jokes, practice your “Arrrr,” and dress up in full swashbuckling regalia.

Q5: What makes a pirate joke funny?

Most funny pirate jokes rely on one of three comedic techniques: puns (especially on nautical words like “sea/C,” “plank,” “deck,” “mate,” “anchor”), subverted expectations (setting up a logical scenario and delivering an absurd punchline), or pirate stereotypes (the one-eyed, hook-handed, rum-drinking treasure hunter who’s somehow charming and bumbling at the same time). The best pirate jokes layer two or more of these elements together.

Q6: Are there pirate jokes for adults?

Absolutely! While many pirate jokes are family-friendly, there’s a whole category of adult pirate humor that leans into clever wordplay, satire, and more sophisticated absurdism. Jokes about pirate economics, treasure tax avoidance, pirate therapy sessions, or pirate dating culture appeal to older audiences. This article keeps it all clean, but the wit can definitely run deep.

Q7: How do you make up your own pirate jokes?

Making your own pirate puns is easier than it sounds. Start with a list of pirate-related words: ship, treasure, plank, crew, compass, cannon, hook, eye patch, parrot, rum, booty, anchor, map, X, port, starboard, Davy Jones, Jolly Roger, and so on. Then find words or phrases in everyday life that sound similar or rhyme. Finally, build a setup around the connection. For example: “booty” sounds like “beauty” — “Why did the pirate open a salon? He wanted to be in the booty business.”

Q8: What’s a good pirate joke for a pirate-themed party?

For pirate-themed parties, jokes that involve audience participation work best. Riddles are great icebreakers: gather everyone, ask the riddle, let people guess, then deliver the punchline. Knock-knock pirate jokes also work well in groups. If you want to go further, print joke cards that guests can find as part of a “treasure hunt” — each clue leads to a new joke and finally to the real treasure (party favors or cake).

Final Thoughts

From classic one-liners to groan-worthy dad jokes, pirate jokes are a treasure trove of comedy that never seems to run dry. Whether you’re looking to entertain kids at a birthday party, lighten the mood at a family dinner, or dominate September 19th with the best International Talk Like a Pirate Day jokes around, this collection has you covered.

The magic of pirate humor lies in its universality. Everyone knows the eye patch, the “Arrrr,” the treasure map, and the plank — so the jokes land instantly, across ages and cultures. Plus, there’s something wonderfully absurd about pirates: they’re simultaneously fearsome and bumbling, greedy yet romantic, historical yet timeless.

So go forth, ye landlubbers and sea dogs alike. Share these jokes, learn your favorites, practice your delivery, and spread the laughter. After all, as any good pirate would tell you — a chest full of laughter is the greatest treasure of all.

Arrrr you entertained? We thought so. Now go hoist the Jolly Roger of comedy and sail into the sunset!

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